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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27862510">Wanting and Having</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparkyo9/pseuds/Sparkyo9'>Sparkyo9</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Eventual Romance, F/M, Marital Issues, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Resurrection, Sexual Content, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:42:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27862510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparkyo9/pseuds/Sparkyo9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>We pick up pretty much where we last left our happily married Orihime Inoue and her family. But what happens when she begins to realize that her life isn’t exactly what she pictured? And when Nelliel makes an unexpected visit to the World of the Living with a request and word of a new threat, things become more complicated than she could ever imagine.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Inoue Orihime &amp; Kurosaki Ichigo, Ulquiorra Cifer &amp; Inoue Orihime, Ulquiorra Cifer/Inoue Orihime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I do not own Bleach or the characters depicted in the story (except the bad guys—those I kind of did make).<br/>This story was not beta’d because I’m pretty private about my work, so please treat me kindly!<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Sometimes I wonder “where is my mind?” Where do my thoughts go when I stand here cooking a meal I know only I will eat? Where do they go when I sit down to an empty table night after night? What about as I scrub and scour dishes barely used? And when I sit on an empty couch? And when I lay in an empty bed? In an empty house?</em><br/><em>They wander. They don’t stay in my head bound by a silent home. My mind spreads wings and soars high above the clouds up to the moon and even beyond, I’m sure of it. It thinks of dreams and impossibilities, of a life full of adventure and love and maybe even danger. It pretends I’m the rain longing to bring together the sky and the earth. It pretends I’m far away living a different life where I got everything I ever wanted...</em><br/><em>But isn’t that what I have? I got everything I wanted: the man of my dreams, a darling child, a home filled with family and friends, and...</em><br/><em>And? I don’t need an “and”. That’s all I’ve ever wanted—I got one of my five perfect lifetimes I imagined as a teen, didn’t I?</em><br/><em>Then why can’t I look at myself? In the morning, I avoid eye contact with myself in the mirror. When I look at pictures, I see everyone but myself. Maybe it’s the smile painted on my face. Real enough to fool everyone but only superficial. No one can see what’s beneath and that’s how I’ve designed it. I’ve gotten good at playing a part over the years. I’m a content housewife pandering to the needs of my husband and child. I provide smiles and a comforting presence in times of distress, I provide encouragement in times of difficulty, I give affection, I give love, I give, I give, I give. I don’t take. No. Taking would be too selfish. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, so asking for more would be too much. I’m not that kind of person...</em><br/><em>What would have life been like?</em><br/>You shouldn’t be thinking such horrible things<em>, a voice whispers.</em><br/>This was what you wanted but not what you need<em>, a voice replies.</em><br/><em>The whispers remain in the back of my mind all day and night, bickering back and forth. Maybe one’s my heart and one’s my head. Maybe they’re neither. Which do I listen to? I ask myself until I’m numb and lying in bed staring blankly at the ceiling.</em><br/><em>My beloved husband is back. What time is it? Ah. 2am. I’m not surprised. I ask how his trip was, how everyone is doing, how well our son did. Great is all he says before he is on top of me. He kisses me gently. It’s always gentle. He compliments me on my new shampoo as he removes his shirt. He touches me carefully but not where I want. Never where I want. But tonight’s not about me. Tonight’s about welcoming my husband home. It’s like most nights.</em><br/><em>I thought it would have been different. In my young, naïve years I thought this was something beyond words. I was innocent but not clueless. I knew what sex was and how it worked but I thought it was something pleasurable. Sometimes it was, sometimes—most times it wasn’t. But that’s normal. He is happy and his happiness is all that matters. What I want is irrelevant. I’ll put his and my son’s happiness before my own until the day I die.</em><br/><em>Still...it’s not what I expected. But that’s okay! Just because it wasn’t how I expected doesn’t mean—</em><br/><em>Huh? Oh. It’s over? What just happened again? He’s getting off me. I’m tired. Say I love you. </em>I love you, goodnight.<em> He yawns goodnight and turns away.</em><br/><em>No...nothing like what I expected.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I. The things that haunt us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This will probably be the only chapter that is so segmented. Chapter II and beyond really start the story, but you can't skip this chapter. It "sets the stage"! *dramatic hand gesture*<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I.</p>
<p>*gasp*</p>
<p>Orihime woke in a sweat, heart threatening to break free from her chest. The sheets licked like fire at her skin and she thrashed and kicked at them until her body was completely liberated. The shock of the cool night air on her damp skin sent an immediate chill up her spine and brought Orihime back to reality. The woman brought her knees to her chest and buried a tear stained face in the folds of her nightgown. </p>
<p>The dream left a stigma somewhere on her heart and even now she felt that burn spread to every nerve. Removing sheets and the cold night air did little to quell the side effects of such a terrible nightmare. Her throat was dry and soar as if she’d been screaming for hours and Orihime pawed at it gasping for air. </p>
<p>Leaving her husband still sound asleep and oblivious to her actions, Orihime hurried downstairs. She went to the sink for water—anything to soothe the burning inside her. And in that moment, as she set down the glass, a presence made itself known. Orihime’s eye burst wide as a ghost of a breath creeped across the side of her neck. She couldn’t move—it was the man from her dream. She remembered once a while back he was intimate with her in a similar way. That one night she woke up in a panic just as this. </p>
<p>Tonight’s nightmare was sweet and happy compared to others which had been anything from romantic to sad, but the common factor was the man behind her who wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her to the length of his body like they were meant to be one. Her rational mind knew he wasn’t there and this was just a continuation of her fevered dream, but her body couldn’t help but respond. He traced his lips along her jugular and his hands wandered. This man was the stigma on her heart. This phantom whose face she never saw plagued her dreams for months.</p>
<p>He scared her. </p>
<p>She dreamt of a life where she finished college, got her dream job, settled down and had a child with this faceless man. The smile did not leave her face once in this different life and she walked hand in hand with this shadow while they talked about nothing in particular and simply enjoyed the company of the other and Orihime knew she had never felt happier than in that moment. That was what really was so frightening. The fact that this life with another man could so easily come to her, could make her so incandescently happy yet was so far from the reality she chose. She once believed that if she had five different lives, even if they were different, she knew she’d still fall in love with Ichigo. So then what was her mind’s purpose for taunting her with this dream? Her life was already perfect—nothing could make her happier.</p>
<p>
  <em>Lies.</em>
</p>
<p>A voice resonated deep within her. It vibrated thick and sweet against her neck and she swore the hands clenched at her waist were real, that his fingers digging into her flesh would leave marks telling her she was his—he would drag her to his world if he couldn’t enter hers. He would whisper a word here and there but her mind was too deep in a haze under his touch to make anything out. </p>
<p>If she turned around who would she see? A man from the past or a figment of her imagination? A specter or flesh? One thing she knew, this wasn’t Ichigo. The voice, the intimacy, the desire...Orihime’s husband did not shine a light. The voice was deeper, intimacy sweeter, and desire hotter. </p>
<p>Every night he appeared to her she begged to see his face, to know who was playing such an awful game with her heart, but he remained only a shadow.</p>
<p>Breaking the spell, a very rough and real hand on her shoulder made her tense and take a reflexive swing at the person behind her. Lucky for Ichigo, he was quick enough to back out of her range lest he would have found a nasty trail of scratches across his face.</p>
<p>“Relax,” he whispered. His hands gave a non-threatening gesture. He wasn’t sure what had her so spooked but the look in her eyes shouted warning. He could probably count on one hand the times he’d seen such alert in her face. It was like a wild animal cornered—Ichigo wondered for a moment if she’d have brandished Shun Shun Rikka if she had them on her person. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>It took Orihime a heavy minute to stop to listen and see what was in front of her. Her eyes darted around like she was considering escape and her breathing began to slow. She dropped her arms and threw them around her body, withdrawing inward. Regardless of Ichigo having no way of knowing what she just experienced, Orihime guarded herself and held her arms tight against her chest as if Ichigo might somehow reach in and see into her heart.</p>
<p>Ichigo couldn’t know about the shadow or her guilt. Her only saving grace was whatever happened seemed to only be the continuation of a dream...nightmare? The lines blurred, but a dream shouldn’t make you feel regret.</p>
<p><em>What do you regret</em>, someone whispered in the back of her mind?</p>
<p>And she knew the answer would be too painful to face and she wasn’t about to reflect on the truth whilst her husband stared with his brown doe eyes burning into hers in the middle of the night.</p>
<p>“Nothing. I just didn’t hear you come in. I thought you were an intruder or something. Sorry.” Orihime bent her head in shame.</p>
<p>Ichigo considered her a moment and whether or not he should pry. “What are you doing down here anyway?”</p>
<p>Orihime’s heart jumped and panic began to set in, everything from the dream rushing right back. She waved a nonchalant hand and chuckled with nervousness so thick she was sure even with how dense Ichigo was he’d be able to hear it but, thankfully, he seemed to relax. “I had a bunch of salty snacks before bed and I suddenly woke up really thirsty.” <em>Maybe a poor choice of words, Orihime</em>. “I came down to get something to drink.”</p>
<p>Without hesitation, she grabbed her empty glass and stepped back over to the sink. She gulped down the water as if making a point and wiped at her mouth with a smile. Her answer and gesture satisfied her husband’s curiosity and the two returned upstairs. Orihime paused on the bottom step giving one last glance towards the kitchen and one last thought to how the man plaguing her unconscious made her feel.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>
  <em>Today, everyone is coming over to watch Chad’s big match. I’m so proud of him—he’s worked so hard to get to this point in his career. Even Rukia and Renji are stopping by! I think it might be the first time their daughter Ichika is meeting Kazui. I can already see those two arguing. Where is Kazui, by the way? He must be upstairs. He’ll be fine; he’s usually pretty punctual. I’m sure he’ll want to see everyone. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tatsuki, Keigo, and Mizuiro are the first ones over. They claim the couch and start digging into the snacks. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sometimes it feels like we’re all still in school and just hanging out. Back when life was a little simpler. They fight over the remote and I can’t help but laugh when Tatsuki strongarms both boys to throw on the last few minutes of a soccer match. Keigo and Mizuiro groan and ask if she ever watches anything but sports only to be put in a vicious headlock. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I heard from Ichigo Uryuu had to stay at the hospital but will try to make it. I’ve told him repeatedly he works too much. Between working and training nobody sees much of him these days. He’s not just a friend, he’s family. Sometimes I think he wishes it was like when we were younger, too. We’re all just in our twenties but why can’t I help feeling jaded? “It’s the ‘human condition’”, Uryuu would say—just part of growing up. Well, phooey! I say just because I’m out of school and have a kid and pay bills doesn’t mean I have to feel like an old maid! I was paying bills when I was 14 for goodness sake! Nothing’s really changed! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Except it has.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Somewhere behind all our smiles and laughs lies a certain darkness; we’ve learned to live with it and to ignore it—somedays we even forget all about it, days like today. We’re all together and for a moment we can pretend. Yet today, I look around and see everything a bit differently. I have a smile painted on my face for the benefit of my friends and family hiding a secret pain and anguish. For nights I’ve been plagued by dreams and for nights I’ve cried. And so all I see is what’s missing and I feel sadness in my heart. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s a chair left unoccupied in the corner of the room, everyone is crowded on the sofa watching the match and I stand there in the doorway imagining you sitting there. I imagine you filling that gap in the room and my heart with your presence.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Orihime? Is everything okay?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Huh? Tatsuki and the others stop cheering and redirect their attention hearing Ichigo’s concern. I don’t know what they are talking about until I feel a tear drop from my cheek. I wipe it away and wave my hand to brush it off.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m just so happy to see everyone having a good time!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Good grief! Don’t worry us like that, Orihime! You looked like you were gonna bawl your eyes out for a moment there,” Tatsuki replies.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell them my feelings but today is about Chad—maybe when I can understand them myself. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I look back at the chair and I see him sitting there—no face, just a vague shadow but I know he’s staring. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I’m ashamed.</em>
</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>Ichigo and Kazui had been gone more and more frequently. Training Kazui and teaching him how to control his shinigami powers was important and Ichigo couldn’t wait to get started. At first, they would visit Urahara Shoten twice a week which turned into five days a week, which evolved into overnight visits to Soul Society and Kazui’s rivalry with Ichika. They became good friends and being close in age, even better sparing partners. Orihime was happy Kazui found someone like him to call an equal and feel free with. He was such a sweet boy but he knew he was different and he had the tendency to put space between himself and human children. Especially when his powers manifested. </p>
<p>So, time in Soul Society was great—he could learn to control his abilities and have a place that understood what he was. After the first stay, he came back home and gave his mother a hug and told her all kinds of stories about the people he met and how they were just like him and she could see his eyes dazzle. From then on, Ichigo and Kazui went whenever there was an opportunity, leaving Orihime alone. But no matter how alone she felt, it made her husband and son happy and that was more important than her own feelings, she told herself. Her happiness depended on their happiness. </p>
<p>The tears that fell on nights they were gone with only thoughts to keep her company were just because she missed them and wanted them to be safe.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is that the lie you tell yourself?</em>
</p>
<p>The voice came after the first couple of times Ichigo and Kazui didn’t come home, along with the dreams. She always had certain dreams that haunted her, mostly about the wars and battles they’d all been through, but these were etched into her soul. They didn’t leave her even in consciousness and the voice in her head was proof. </p>
<p>
  <em>You cannot be as naive as to believe such things. What do you really feel when you wake up in the night alone? What do you feel when he comes back and does with you what he pleases? </em>
</p>
<p>Stop.</p>
<p>
  <em>How do you feel when he ignores your silent pleas for pleasure?</em>
</p>
<p>Stop it.</p>
<p>
  <em>How do you feel when you think about me when you are with him?</em>
</p>
<p>STOP IT!</p>
<p>
  <em>...</em>
</p>
<p>And silence. The voice was there and gone again. How long, she wondered, before she couldn’t silence it with sheer will? How long before it spoke to her all hours of the day and night? </p>
<p>Orihime grimaced. How long before she’d long to hear the voice? It was beginning to be her only constant companion, keeping her company on lonely nights. </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>A few months passed.</p>
<p>It was a particular night Orihime had been cooking for one with the noise of some evening show playing in the background. It was raining and hoped Ichigo and Kazui would be alright on their way back. Her mind got lost in the sound of the rain against the window and the buzz of TV static. It flittered from food to giant robots to the boys back to giant robots. <em>There were some things that never changed</em>, she mused and chuckled at her own eccentricity. But with no one around, a vivid imagination was the only thing keeping her from going insane. It’s not as if she could call on Tatsuki or Riruka to stop by on a night like tonight with the rain; she’d never forgive herself if they caught a cold or got ambushed in the dark of night. Sure, they could handle themselves but she couldn’t let them take the risk just so she had another person to entertain. </p>
<p>Orihime sighed. She overcooked her food thinking too hard again. Her stomach growled and ached for something—anything, so burnt food it was. The meal fit the evening. </p>
<p><em>Disappointing</em>. </p>
<p>She gasped at the breath at her neck and when her head snapped up, she could see his reflection in the window against the black night. He stood just behind her looking straight into her eyes at the window. She dug her nails into the edge of the counter as he wrapped one arm around her torso and his other hand around the base of her neck. </p>
<p>
  <em>Is that what you wanted to say?</em>
</p>
<p>“You’re-you’re not real,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He nuzzled the crook of her neck and dug his fingers deeper into her flesh like he always did. He was still just a vague outline, but she could feel his stare and sense a sadness he’d never shown her before. As if her words wounded him. </p>
<p>Whether or not they were true, for some reason she wished to alleviate his pain.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>
  <em>There is no reason to apologize. </em>
</p>
<p>“I’ve hurt you.”</p>
<p>
  <em>You cannot hurt what does not exist.</em>
</p>
<p>But he did…at least to her…and for a long while now. Orihime put her hand over his on her abdomen. “Real or not you’re here.” <em>And that’s what’s important. </em></p>
<p>She smiled and leaned against him, letting him support her weight. It felt safe and for the first time in years she felt whole.</p>
<p>A streak of lightning lit the sky and the roar of thunder broke her reverie. </p>
<p>She leapt with a gasp and eyes jolted to the window to see him gone. </p>
<p>She was alone again.</p>
<p>And that night, like so many others, she cried herself to sleep, lying in a cold bed.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>Orihime was in high spirits; Ichigo and Kazui were home all day, a rare event as of late. She had them all to herself for the next 24 hours and she couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. It was a cloudless day and the sunbeams through the window warmed her skin wonderfully as she washed dishes.</p>
<p>She sighed in contentment as she placed the last dish in the cupboard and sat at the table where Kazui chewed the butt of his pencil over a math problem. </p>
<p>“Need help?” Orihime offered.</p>
<p>Kazui frowned, mumbled something about numbers being dumb, and laid his head down on the table in defeat.</p>
<p>Orihime giggled and rest an encouraging hand on his back. “It’s okay, Kazui! You’ve never done this kind of math before; it’s natural to be confused.”</p>
<p>The boy looked up with dewy eyes and a drip of snot down his nose. “R-really?”</p>
<p>“Of course!” </p>
<p>She handed him a tissue and gave him back his pencil and together they sat for the remainder of the lunch hour.</p>
<p>It was such a simple thing but just being with her son doing such a mundane activity made her so much happier than she’d been in weeks. Orihime felt the warmth of her family’s companionship spread through her and wished the feeling could last forever. </p>
<p>Maybe, just maybe, one day they’ll ask her to come along during a trip to Soul Society. Or maybe she could try to convince them to use Urahara’s shop more often to train, even invite Rukia’s daughter if that’s what it would take...</p>
<p>
  <em>I just want them to be with me.</em>
</p>
<p>“Mom? Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Orihime looked at Kazui confused at her son’s concern. </p>
<p>He gestured to his face and Orihime mirrored, her fingers meeting damp cheeks. Was she crying? Kazui ran to grab another tissue and patted down his mother’s eyes. She didn’t move, she barely breathed. </p>
<p>“Do you need me to get dad?” he asked, tapping her shoulder like he was trying to break her out of a trance. It was a bit scary for some reason; she didn’t look sad, more like in shock. Over what, Kazui has no way of knowing but something told him his mother was in crisis; if her mouth were not so clamped shut, she’d be screaming, he imagined. </p>
<p>It took her a moment to register that Kazui asked a question, let alone had gone to get a tissue. She slid her eyes to his and they were darker than Kazui’s ever seen them. No one in the world would ever call Orihime scary, but the absence of light in her eyes made Kazui want to run away as far as he could. This woman was not his mother. </p>
<p>In a last-ditch effort to snap her out of it, he grabbed her shoulders and shook. Ichigo heard Kazui yelling from the kitchen and came in to investigate, jumping to stop Kazui just as he was about to smack his mom across the cheek. </p>
<p>“What the hell?! What’d ya think you’re doing, Kazui?” </p>
<p>Kazui sniffled and rubbed away his own tears forming. “Something’s wrong with mommy!” he shouted pointing at Orihime.</p>
<p>Ichigo picked him up and Kazui buried his face in his dad’s T-shirt. When Ichigo returned his attention to Orihime, he found her standing close and staring at him. The man jumped back, taken off guard at the girl’s sudden movement. </p>
<p>“Shit, that freaked me out...hey? You okay?” Ichigo asked. “Why ya got Kazui so afraid?”</p>
<p>She considered him a moment.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why do you always leave? Why do you never take me with you? Why do you act like I only exist when it’s convenient or necessary for you? You’re supposed to love me! You’re supposed to be here for me! You’re supposed to notice me, dammit!</em>
</p>
<p>...is what she wanted to say. Instead she wrapped her husband and son in her arms and apologized as she wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden and she’d be fine with a shining smile. Ichigo sighed in relief but Kazui didn’t look sure. Her smile seemed genuine but her eyes remained unchanged. </p>
<p>“Hey, why don’t we go out to the park? It’s a beautiful day and I think we could all use some fresh air and a break!”</p>
<p>Ichigo passed as he was in the middle of creating a new lesson plan for the upcoming school semester and Orihime’s smile faltered but he didn’t notice. Kazui, who was keenly studying her, recognized it and eagerly accepted her offer hoping it would make is mother happy. And like magic, a light sparked and reignited her eyes. It could still turn out to be a good day after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. II. Exit Wounds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so I planned on posting this a week ago and the holiday hustle and bustle decided to hit fast and hard. I hope you enjoy, regardless!<br/>This skeleton's going to start getting some meat on it's bones!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>II.</p><p>The park was quiet. Orihime and Kazui took a leisurely stroll, stopping for a bit so Kazui could play on the jungle gym. The few people that had been there when they arrived were long gone and no others joined them. Not that either were complaining. Kazui loved having his mother all to himself when he could and Orihime hadn’t the opportunity to spend time like this since before Ichigo insisted on training him. As much as he loved both his parents, Kazui couldn’t help harbor a small resentment towards his dad for monopolizing his time. From what he saw earlier that day, Orihime was not in a good way and the boy was determined to help her at any cost.</p><p><em>How long has she been like this</em>, he wondered? That day wasn’t the first time he witnessed something a bit off with his mom. About a couple weeks ago, his dad was late getting back from Urahara Shoten and Kazui was deep asleep when a rattle and a thud stirred him conscious. The boy rubbed at his eyes and nearly fell out of bed when a shadow quickly passed his doorway. Curious, Kazui got up and followed the shadow silently on his tiptoes. The closer he got, the more he could hear what sounded like a whimper, a cry, a sniffle, and repeat. Around the corner he peered to see his mom kneeling before her brother’s shrine and whispering to herself between sobs. Her hand lay atop something silver on the shrine, but it was too dark in the room to see anything but the shine of it in the moonlight. </p><p>It wasn’t his place to intrude—or that’s what Kazui thought at the time, but that lightless look in her eyes was terrifying. How horrible a son he must be to not recognize what she’d been going through; something was troubling her enough to bring on tears and Kazui wasn’t there for her. </p><p>And when he emerged from the concrete tunnel to see Orihime sitting solemnly on a swing, looking at nothing in particular, he felt such contempt for himself. She was always so kind and loving and he did nothing but treat her like dirt. <em>I should have seen it.</em></p><p>It was then when he arrived at the thought that a familiar presence made herself known. She nodded to Kazui in recognition as she approached and Kazui returned the notion. He wasn’t sure why she was there all of a sudden, but he sensed her intentions were good by the shy smile on her face. Maybe this would be the kind of companionship his mom could use right now—not that of a worthless child.</p><p>Kazui knew he was just being hard on himself for not being able to comfort Orihime, but it still hurt sitting on the sidelines and just watching her break. No matter how much they played, how much they walked hand in hand, the light never returned to her eyes. The boy returned to the playset and gave them space to talk.</p><p>The young woman took the swing next to Orihime. “Hey.”</p><p>When Orihime offered no reaction, the girl shoved her shoulder and scoffed. Orihime lost her balance, nearly tumbling over. She was about to scold whoever pushed her when the sight of dyed pink hair pulled up in pigtails flashed across her visage. “Riruka?”</p><p>“Who else?!” Riruka exclaimed, giving her a playful tap on the arm. “Your husband gave me a call. Wanted me to check on you.”</p><p>Orihime looked away and sighed. Riruka could hear her mumble something inaudible and shoved her again.</p><p>“Riruka! What was that for?”</p><p>“Speak louder! How do you expect me to help you if I can’t understand what the hell you’re saying?” Riruka reprimanded herself when she saw tears spring to her friend’s eyes. She’d always known Orihime to have a degree of emotional fragility, but this was a tad extreme; she’s done worse—said worse and Orihime’s never greeted her with anything but a smile. She felt the need to ask for forgiveness, but all she did was click her tongue and kick at the gravel.</p><p>“…I’m sorry,” Orihime said.</p><p>Riruka really could not believe this girl. After all these years, she never learned to stop apologizing for things that weren’t her fault. <em>Jesus! I came out her to help and she just makes me feel like such an asshole!</em></p><p>“Stop saying that crap,” Riruka began. “What’s going on, Orihime? Ichigo’s never called me before like that. You know you can always talk to me.”</p><p>Something in Orihime finally broke and released the flood gates. Riruka jolted, not expecting the sudden burst of sobs. <em>As if this weren’t awkward enough</em>, Riruka lamented. Confused on how to comfort her, she just offered a soothing hand on her back while she cried into her palms.</p><p>After a few minutes, Orihime spilled her guts about what happened, mostly the parts about how she felt she scared her own son and how guilty she felt about making everyone worried, choosing to omit the parts about how she actually became that way.</p><p>How could she even begin to tell her about the man that visits her at night, and now, even in the day? How could she tell Riruka all of the horrible thoughts that have been plaguing her mind for weeks? Not just weeks, months! Maybe even longer if she really admitted to herself the truth of it all. But she would dare not tell because they wouldn’t understand, least of all Ichigo. And then, if she told Riruka everything, Ichigo was sure to find out; she loved Riruka like a sister, but the woman didn’t keep anything from Ichigo. The moment she mentioned her shadow figure, Ichigo would know, too. “I’ve really made a mess of things, Riruka.”</p><p>Riruka stood and huffed, pacing a few steps before taking Orihime’s face in her hands and pinching her cheeks. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself!” Riruka pointed at Kazui who was laughing as he swung from the monkey bars. “Does it LOOK like that boy over there is scared right now? He wanted to come to the park with you, right? That boy of yours adores you, you idiot! I’m sure he’s just as worried about you as we are!”</p><p>“But, Riruka…” she whimpered.</p><p>“Don’t ‘But, Riruka…’ me! Get your ass up and go play with your kid, dammit!”</p><p>She grabbed Orihime’s hands and pulled her up out of the seat. If it took all her strength, she would drag her over to those damn monkey bars and make her have a good time. It was the least she could do for her son.</p><p>And it did make her feel better. For a moment, Orihime let herself be caught up in Kazui and Riruka’s energy and allow her mind to quiet. Riruka stayed until the clouds grew dark with the threat of rain and decided to part ways.</p><p>“Promise you’ll call,” Riruka pleaded and Orihime nodded in affirmation. The friends hugged and departed the park in opposite directions. When Orihime and Kazui were finally out of vision, Riruka frowned and took out her phone, pressing redial.</p><p>“Dokugamine? What’s up? How’d it go with Orihime?” the voice on the other end asked.</p><p>Riruka winced and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know, Ichigo. I imagine she only told me half the story.”</p><p>“Well, which half?”</p><p>“How she scared Kazui and worried she hurt you two. That part was genuine. You didn’t see how terrified she really was—but Ichigo?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I think we have another problem.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“FUCK!” Ichigo chucked his phone down on the couch. He yelled and rubbed at his temples before collecting his phone and calling Urahara.</p><p>How had things gotten so bad? And if what Urahara told him a couple weeks ago was true, things were about to get a whole lot worse, not just for Orihime, but for all of them.</p><p>“Urahara Shoten,” a girl answered, “one moment please.”</p><p>“URURU WAIT!” Click. “Dammit!” Ichigo cursed. He paced the living room for a minute before Urahara finally picked up.</p><p>“Urahara, to whom do I owe the pleasure?”</p><p>“Shove it! We need to talk.”</p><p>“Ichigo, my boy, is that you? My, my. Is that anyway to treat your elders?”</p><p>It took everything in Ichigo not to run over to Urahara’s shop right then and there and strangle the man. “I just got off the phone with Dokugamine—it’s about Orihime.”</p><p>Urahara’s tone changed immediately. “Please come as soon as possible,” and he hung up.</p><p>Ichigo shoved his phone in his back pocket and headed for the door. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the shimmer of something silver next to Sora Inoue’s photo on the other side of the room as he leant down to tie his shoes. He bared his teeth at them like the object was something perverse and offensive before being pulled away by the sound of raindrops beginning to pelt the window. He grabbed an umbrella and slammed the door of the Kurosaki residence behind him. Orihime wouldn’t be happy to find him gone with no explanation, but thinking back to the item on Sora’s shrine, he couldn’t be bothered to care.</p><p>~~~</p><p>
  <em>She woke in a break of sopping sweat. She clawed at the skin of her neck as she tried to catch her breath. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The room was dark just like the place she left in her dream and the moon cast the same light. But where was the desert? Right. This is her house. With Ichigo and her son. She was no longer sixteen and stuck in Hueco Mundo. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Orihime stood on unsteady legs and wiped a mixture of sweat and tears from her cheeks before looking for something not there. No, not her husband, whose absence went completely unnoticed by the woman. Instead of worrying about a missing Ichigo, her panic came from another someone. Orihime felt an instinct pulling her to the living room; a moth to flame. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This one nightmare...the thoughts swirling about in her head...they all led to a danger she, so far, had been able to avoid. Unlike some of the others, this one tore her asunder, ripped at her mind and clawed her out from the inside. It was as if every negative emotion she’d ever felt amassed into one great, crushing wave that washed over her again and again.</em>
</p><p><em>The only thing her heart believed would give her a modicum of solace was a simple silver bracelet placed curiously next to her brother’s portrait. The slight residual reiatsu left in the item guided her through the darkened house until Orihime met the alter. She knelt in front of the shrine and felt the smooth, cold silver of the bracelet with a gentle finger. </em>I can feel him<em>, she thought. It was incredibly weak but there still after so many years. This piece of metal that was given to her under horrible circumstances, stayed with her through terrors, and was now, ironically, allaying her fears. She brought it to her chest and clung to it. The night welcomed her mourning. </em></p><p>
  <em>~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Where are they? Didn’t Halibel say now?”</em>
</p><p><em>Urahara was a patient guy, and his patience regarding Ichigo Kurosaki over the years had been considerable, but he was starting to really piss him off. The red-head huffed and shuffled across the basement arena in irritation. His mouth ceased to quit barking at the poor shopkeeper about when and where and how and why they were going to be meeting with their friends from Hueco Mundo. Maybe he was turning into a crotchety old man, he ventured, but shook off such a silly idea. After all he was only, let’s see...Eight hundred? Nine hundred? One-thousand four-hundred sixty-two give or take…</em>I AM NOT AN OLD MAN!<em> Urahara stuck out his cane in front of Ichigo, catching his ankle and causing him to trip.</em></p><p>
  <em>“What the hell was that for?!” Ichigo exclaimed. Urahara instead whipped out his fan to hide a smirk and offered a theory on his previous question.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If things have escalated as quickly as Halibel-san suspects, it wouldn’t be surprising if our friends were otherwise occupied.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The young man shot up into action. “Dammit! If they’re in trouble we have to help somehow!” But Urahara shot him down. His passion was admirable but the fact remained that there was nothing any of them could do; this was Hueco Mundo’s issue, not theirs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ichigo agreed but didn’t have to like it. He and his friends had grown close to Nel, Halibel, and even Grimmjow, and if it was one thing he did, it was fight for those he cared about. While the shopkeeper sympathized, the fact remained that this was a delicate time for Hueco Mundo and they have different rules when it came to political matters. If a civil war was to erupt, Soul Society would side with Halibel, but only if she asked and would only offer what they thought they could afford to lose. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Urahara fanned himself once, twice, noticing dark circles under Ichigo’s eyes. They had been up almost the entire night waiting for the Hollows to show up, but it was becoming clear something was keeping them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’ll give them until morning,” Urahara offered. “For now, go home to your wife. She’ll wonder what happened to you. I’ll call you when I hear something.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ichigo scowled but was betrayed by the gratefulness of his body at the opportunity to return home and relax. He nodded and ascended the ladder out of the basement. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>~~~</em>
</p><p><em>Sometime later, Ichigo arrived back at the Kurosaki residence. He was careful to be quiet, not wishing to wake the other two occupants, and made his way to the kitchen. His body was tired but his mind was moving a million miles a second. </em>Why didn’t they show up<em>, he wondered? </em>Halibel relayed a specific time and location; they couldn’t have left the Garganta elsewhere without being detected. Something had to have happened. Tier Halibel was punctual almost to a fault. Dammit!</p><p>
  <em>Ichigo slammed a palm against the counter in frustration. He hated being on the sidelines. There had to be something he could—</em>
</p><p><em>“Why didn’t you stay?” A quiet voice suddenly asked. Ichigo almost leapt out of his skin. He followed the origin of the voice to the living room and found Orihime curled up on the floor beneath Sora’s shrine. She was holding...well he couldn’t quite tell, but what he </em>could<em> see were the glistening of tears reflecting moonlight. </em></p><p><em>Ichigo knelt down beside her and wiped at a droplet. She didn’t stir. </em>She must still be asleep.</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry, I was at Urahara’s,” he apologized anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gently scooped her up to relieve her of the hard floor and settled her on the sofa. Orihime remained rigid, eyes pressed shut and lips in a hard line that told him she was not having a pleasant dream.</em>
</p><p><em>“Please...don’t go,” she mumbled just as he moved to walk away. </em>That was...a creepy coincidence. <em>Was he sure she wasn’t feigning? He called her name a couple times but there was no response. Ichigo sighed and sat on the edge of the couch, petting her arm. Trying to soothe whatever she was thinking about. </em></p><p>
  <em>“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her breathing was nice and even, the lines on her face slowly faded, but one feature drew his attention—Orihime’s white knuckles clenching at the item in her hands. What does she have? Was it something of Sora’s? It’s possible; if that was the case, her sleep-talking made sense...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ulquiorra...”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Orihime woke to find herself still in darkness—it must have been only about three or four in the morning. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She sat up and found her hands met the softness of couch cushions, not the hardness of the floor she last remembered. She shrugged, figuring she must have moved to somewhere more comfortable in her stupor. After rubbing the sleep from her eyes and exhaling a yawn, she froze, catching the movement of a figure out of the corner of her eye. Orihime scurried up the back of the couch, eyes like a doe in headlights, trying to make out the man against the wall. Her first instinct was to call for her shadow man, but seeing the flash of orange hair that stuck out even in the dark of night, Orihime was very glad she hadn’t. God only knows what kind of questions Ichigo would ask…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And yet, as her vision adjusted, she saw him twirling a particular silver object around his pointer finger. There were going to be questions, different questions, but ones she dreaded, nonetheless.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are you doing with that?” she whispered. “Please put it back.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ichigo pictured her waking up flustered, giggling in her own brand of nonchalance and avoiding the situation altogether. She did what he expected her not to do, and that was underreact. It really kind of pissed him off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stopped the twirling and stared at the object for a moment before asking what it was and why she had it, betraying no emotion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She always assumed Ichigo thought it was something Sora had given her, and she would have been right. Until that night, Ichigo would pass the shrine and never give the object a second thought; it had been there since a time before they were together. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now, having seen her clutch to it like her life depended on it while calling out a name he hadn’t heard her utter in over ten years, it raised a bevy of questions she had no intention of ever answering.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her lips were pressed in a straight line and her brow furled like she was irritated. Ichigo never saw the expression from her before. But she didn’t move—she remained on the couch with her legs tucked under her, avoiding her husbands gaze and focused singularly on the bracelet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Put it back or give it to me,” she demanded in the same, soft whisper.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ichigo fisted the silver band and hid it from her under crossed arms, hoping it would get her to look at him. Like a charm, her eyes snapped up to his and she repeated her demand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To her dismay, Ichigo shook his head. “Not until you tell me what this is. And believe me when I say, I’ll know if you’re lying.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s a bracelet. It belongs to me,” Orihime offered, stating the obvious. She didn’t know why she thought it would satiate Ichigo’s curiosity and she felt like an idiot right after the words left her lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now it was Ichigo’s turn to be irritated. “And?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It was given to me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“AND?” he said louder. He was going to make her say it. She could see it in his eyes he already knew—if he touched it, he could feel whose reiatsu still lingered on it, so what was the need to make her vocalize it? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was cruel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“WHY DO YOU CARE?!” And Orihime erupted. Ichigo was so in shock he recoiled and his back hit the wall with a smack as she was suddenly in his face. “Why do I have to explain it to you?! You know! I know you know! So WHY then put me through this?! WHAT do you need me to say?! That the day I left for Hueco Mundo, I was given that? That it was given to me under horrible circumstances? That I shouldn’t keep it because looking at it reminds me of one of the most terrible times in my life? That I shouldn’t keep it because it reminds me of one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was practically on her knees, begging he give up. She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to touch him. She didn’t know what he was trying to accomplish but it was the first time she truly felt something akin to contempt for her husband.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ichigo watched silently as she cried. He made a gesture to lend a comforting hand on her shoulder but she nudged it away. It bruised his ego, he would admit, but he let her be. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It wasn’t a mistake; you had no choice.” </em>
</p><p>That’s not what I meant.</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t understand, Orihime. I really don’t. How could you keep this after everything that happened?” </em>
</p><p>How couldn’t I?</p><p><em>“…After everything </em>he <em>did to you?”</em></p><p>
  <em>Her crying stopped. Maybe that’s why she never told him, because he still thought that she was the victim in this story. Not only could he not understand, he wasn’t willing to. Whatever narrative she could tell would get lost amongst his own assumptions and his own prejudices. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How would you know what he did or didn’t do to me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, come on,” Ichigo rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, “we all know what those guys were like. We-I had to save you or else he would have killed you. He damn-near killed me twice!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Orihime wanted to laugh. Or cry. Or both at the same time. “Ichigo, you do realize at least three of ‘those guys’ are now our friends, right? Grimmjow could have just as easily killed me, and you don’t seem to have a problem with him.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But Grimmjow wasn’t the one who took you from your home! From your friends!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why does that matter?! It was all Aizen’s plan, so why does it matter who took me? It would have happened whether it was him or some other Arrancar.”</em>
</p><p><em>Ichigo found it difficult to find a comeback. He knew on that point her logic was sound. Aizen chose </em>him<em> because he knew he could trust him with the task; if he wasn’t the one to do it, another Arrancar would have stepped up. But he irked him! It still wasn’t right! Something still felt off about everything he did and everything that happened that day on the tower. It wasn’t just a desire to protect that called forth his Hollow. There was also hatred…even jealousy. Just the want to have that kind of power.</em></p><p>
  <em>Abruptly, Ichigo tossed the bracelet into her hands. The conversation was decidedly over and he walked away without another word. Orihime yelled to him to wait, but Ichigo was already down the hall getting ready for bed. It was a long day and the last thought in Ichigo’s mind left a sour taste in his mouth.</em>
</p><p>Jealous. I never thought I’d be jealous of a hollow, especially not Ulquiorra Cifer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. III. Horrorscope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For the purposes of this fic moving forward, Orihime will remain "Orihime Inoue" to not confuse various Kurosaki's when being talked about by outgroup persons (people who would use "-san", etc. honorifics), regardless of Orihime's choice to take or not take the Kurosaki name after marriage. I would like to think she didn't for certain reasons, but this will not be a detail of importance in this fic.<br/>In addition, I made the decision to maintain the use of Japanese honorifics as a stylized choice. I apologize if more "westernized" designations are your preference. I studied Japanese for many years and it is an easy way for me to understand how characters relate to one another.<br/>PS: ngl I've put off posting this chapter because I've been playing too much Cyberpunk 2077 lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>III.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Wait, Ichigo!” Orihime’s plea was answered with the slam of a door.</em>
</p>
<p>What—what just happened?<em> It’s not like they hadn’t had fights before, but this was so different from the squabbles over what they should have for dinner or how long to keep Kazui in timeout. The pain in her chest was proof of just how deep Ichigo’s words cut. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Orihime sat back on the couch and wiped away a tear. She looked at the silver bracelet in her palm and ran her thumb along the smooth surface. Whether she was aware or not, she smiled fondly when she sensed the low hum of the lingering reiatsu. But as quickly as it came, the smile faded and was replaced by a deep-set frown. What was she doing with the trinket in the middle of the night? She vaguely remembered waking from a nightmare in a horrible fever, and somehow, she ended up out here. Beyond that, nothing. A blank. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Should she be surprised? It’s not like she hasn’t sleep-walked before and ended up with a loaf of bread in bed the next morning. Only this wasn’t food. This was the only existing piece of someone’s precious soul, and seeing Ichigo play with it and look at it with contempt…</em>
</p>
<p><em>Orihime ground her teeth as palms dug into her eyes. She shook and she tried to control the feelings surfacing. </em>Maybe Ichigo is right—maybe he wasn’t at all like I remember. Maybe he was this awful person who wanted to do awful things to me.  I’ve always tried to find the good in people and this was maybe no different. My situation made me think I was seeing things I wasn’t.</p>
<p>
  <em>The image of soft eyes fading away in the night flashed across her mind.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And again, she looked down at the bracelet. </em>
</p>
<p>I know what I saw.</p>
<p>
  <em>Orihime returned the silver ring to her brother’s shrine and gave it just one last look before retiring to the bedroom.</em>
</p>
<p>Just tell me what you’re trying to show me now…Ulquiorra…</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>“What exactly are we looking at?”</p>
<p>“That’s Inoue-san’s reiatsu. And this, this was her reiatsu signature a year ago.”</p>
<p>“What the hell is <em>that</em>? What happened?”</p>
<p>Ichigo and Urahara were huddled in the back of Urahara Shoten staring at a computer screen in a dim-lit lab. Ichigo hated the room; it was much colder than the rest of the shop and filled to the brim with scientific and spiritual equipment with names he couldn’t pronounce, but as of the last few months, when he wasn’t teaching or training, he was here with the shop keeper.</p>
<p>The situation kept deteriorating in Hueco Mundo. Soul Society, at the request of Tier Halibel, wanted the two men to keep a close eye on the situation. Halibel gave Urahara access to all kinds of confidential information regarding Hueco Mundo and its residents, in and outside Los Noches—a true testament to the trust built between Halibel and Soul Society over the years. Among the information given was a technology that followed the same principal of an arrancar’s Pesquisa. One of Szayelaporro Granz’s inventions tucked away in a Los Noches lab, it used the Pesquisa echo-location principal to image the spiritual pressure of a subject. Where Szayelaporro used it to monitor and study his fellow arrancar, Urahara felt it could be a useful tool to catalog spiritual fluctuations in Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, and the World of the Living as the dimensions could fall under chaos if this new threat were to tip the scales. Ten years had passed but everyone was still feeling the aftershocks and that left the realms vulnerable.</p>
<p>Yet, in addition to the lucrative research around several changes in Hueco Mundo, the Pesquisa imaging also provided Urahara with an interesting look into the reiatsu of one Orihime Inoue. Urahara pointed to the curvature of the radiant lines encompassing Orihime’s body and how they dimmed and became more irregular month to month. The change was gradual and only apparent when comparing the present image to one a year ago.</p>
<p>“What does it mean?” Ichigo asked.</p>
<p>“All I have are guesses.” Urahara sat back and crossed his arms with a sigh. “There’s really no point in me asking if you’ve noticed any changes. We both would have known long ago if we sensed even the slightest disturbance. What did Dokugamine-san say when she called?”</p>
<p>The shinigami shrugged. “She was kind of…I don’t know. Freaked out? I told her to look for anything off —she just said that whatever it was, it felt heavy—might have missed it if she wasn’t looking for it—like it was Orihime, but there was another presence with her.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s obvious it isn’t a haunting. But it’s not exactly a corruption or overtaking of the soul either. Just an intermingling of sorts.” Urahara sat up with intrigue.</p>
<p>“What? Like her reiatsu is talking to someone else’s?” Ichigo snorted and quipped, “I think you’ve been in this hellhole too long, old man.”</p>
<p>The shop keeper resisted the urge to beat him with his fan, so he settled for an icy glare. “Yes, well, just like people, souls have all sorts of ways of communicating and though we know of some, doesn’t mean we know them all.”</p>
<p>“Okay, so let’s say her soul’s ‘mingling’ with another soul—whose soul?”</p>
<p>Ichigo watched as Urahara typed away on the keyboard, looking at different specs, altering the images, all at lightning speed. He had no idea what Urahara was looking for and the Shinigami looked on baffled as the computer flickered between screens. After a few minutes, Urahara must have found something because his fingers suddenly froze above the keyboard and his eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>Ichigo looked back and forth between the computer and Urahara, trying to figure out what it was he found, but no matter how hard he tried, the screen looked like just a bunch of numbers and glow-y dots.</p>
<p>“So, uh, what are we looking at?”</p>
<p>Urahara pointed the bottom left corner of the screen. “You see that? That area—her right hand has the highest concentration of our interloper’s reiatsu. Whatever is causing this mostly likely originated there.”</p>
<p>“So what? She touched some funky reiatsu or reishi or whatever and it stuck to her?”</p>
<p>Urahara supposed it was possible, but it would be very unlikely. Spirit particles don’t mix because they can—there would have to be a catalyst for something to happen. Someone else’s reiatsu can be left on a person or object like a clinging scent or cloth fiber but it doesn’t last and it certainly doesn’t get stronger.</p>
<p>“Without knowing the source, I can’t be sure.”</p>
<p>Urahara stood and placed a reassuring hand on Ichigo’s shoulder. It would be okay—they would find the disturbance and help Orihime with whatever blight this was; however, Ichigo did not return Urahara’s confidence. If the worlds’ most brilliant being couldn’t come up with an answer for Orihime’s predicament, who could?</p>
<p>“We won’t give up, Kurosaki-san. Think—has anything happened lately? Anything out of the ordinary?”</p>
<p>“She was upset today. Kind of zoned out in the kitchen, but it just came from nowhere. I haven’t been there at night much but she’s had the occasional nightmare, not that we all don’t get them.” Ichigo then thought back to the silver bangle on Sora’s alter. He never thought of it because, aside from him trying his best not to, it was of no consequence. It was an old piece of nothing with reiatsu traces so weak he could only sense it if he touched it and concentrated. The only thing out of place was the circumstances he found it with his wife. She was dreaming of that bastard and became defensive when he confronted her about it. In all the years he’s known her, not once had she spoken like that to him. And maybe that was the strangest of all.</p>
<p>“A couple of weeks ago, I found out she kept a bracelet Ulquiorra Cifer gave her right before she went to Hueco Mundo.”</p>
<p>The shop keeper was rarely surprised but damned if it didn’t feel like his eyes were going to pop from their sockets. Ichigo went on to explain all she did and said that night and Urahara began putting two and two together. Perhaps, he thought, Ichigo hadn’t realized or seen the connection. Though, it was hard to deny the possibility given the information Halibel disclosed over the last few months. It was appearing that keeping the girl in the dark about the going-on’s in Hueco Mundo was probably a mistake considering the nightmares and reiatsu anomalies. This was beyond anything Urahara would have thought possible.</p>
<p>“Kurosaki-san…I think…I think this problem with Inoue-san began earlier than either one of us anticipated...”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“The things you’ve told me lead me to believe this wasn’t a recent change. In the Arrancar’s last moments, you said she tried to reach him, yes?”</p>
<p>Ichigo quirked an eyebrow, not sure where he was going with this. “Yeah, so? She never actually touched him.”</p>
<p>“Skin, ash—to spiritual beings it’s all—”</p>
<p>Before Urahara could finish his thought, an alarm sounded in the lab drawing the men’s attention. They looked up at a monitor to see a Garganta opening nearby. Two spiritual pressure signatures: one, Nelliel Tu Odelschvank, the other—</p>
<p>“Shit! Not now!” Ichigo raced out of the shop before Urahara could stop him.</p>
<p><em>Still as impulsive as ever</em>, Urahara lamented. He assumed Halibel would have given him a heads up before she sent Nel over, but sensing her weaken, albeit potent reiatsu, it may not have been a planned outing. Nevertheless, many things were about to come to light and Urahara found it difficult to resist a chuckle. He stared at the big, red characters below the second reiatsu aura on the monitor: “SUBJECT HM004 CLASS VL1A - ULQUIORRA CIFER”.  </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>The rain left Orihime and Kazui soaked head-to-toe. Ever since they left the park, the woman seemed to be in better spirits to the joy of her son. They twirled under the rain and skipped through puddles, not caring about the judging stares from people passing under the safety of umbrellas. They would both end up with colds, but it was worth it for Kazui to see the ear-to-ear smile on his mom’s face. He wasn’t optimistic it would last forever; she still wore dark circles beneath her eyes and her shoulders hung a lower than normal, but he would relish her radiance no matter how brief.</p>
<p>The rest of the way home was spent talking about nothing in particular. Kazui told her all about a new friend he made at school and how Ichika got jealous and angry about someone sharing her friend before commenting her surprise he had friends at all. Orihime laughed at Kazui’s imitation of Ichika, then made a comment about “young love” to which her son pretended to puke on the ground. It was the closest the two felt in a long time and they wished it could have lasted longer, but just as the Kurosaki residence came into view, the familiar sound of a Garganta ripped through the roar of the rain. Behind them was the battered form of Nelliel Tu stumbling out from the black mass. Tucked under her arms was an object wrapped in cloth. Orihime ran and caught her before her legs gave out and fell to the ground.</p>
<p>It was obvious she just came from a battle—burns and scrapes littered her skin and a nasty trail of blood ran down her spine where something sharp pierced her deep. Neither Orihime nor Kazui had time to gawk at the extent of the Arrancar’s injuries as getting in the house out of view was priority. Orihime asked Kazui to give her a hand guiding the woman to the door but Nel dug in her heels an asked to be taken to Urahara Shoten.</p>
<p>Orihime protested and went for her Shun Shun Rikka, but was stopped by the arrancar. “Please, we’ll have time for that later. This,” motioning to the object against her breast, “this is more important right now. We need to move.”</p>
<p>She didn’t know what Nel had, but it would have to wait—if Orihime didn’t heal her, she would faint from blood loss. Ignoring the woman in her arms, Orihime called to Kazui to open the front door, but not a moment later, Ichigo arrived on the scene, appearing between his wife and son.</p>
<p>“Ichigo!” “Dad!”</p>
<p>Ichigo rushed forward and grabbed Nel out of Orihime’s hold, swinging her over his shoulder. “Kazui—get inside.”</p>
<p>“But dad—” Kazui began in objection, but obeyed when Ichigo returned a stern head shake.</p>
<p>Orihime, on the other hand, looked at her husband, puzzled. “Shouldn’t we get her inside so I can heal her?”</p>
<p>“I have to get her to Urahara’s shop. Go dry off and wait here with Kazui,” Ichigo replied.</p>
<p>“No! If you have to go to Urahara-san’s, fine! But I’m coming with you.”</p>
<p>Orihime could plead all she wanted but Ichigo had no intention of getting her involved if he could help it. Ichigo turned and was about to leave her there when he felt Nel shift.</p>
<p>“We need her, Ichigo. H-Halibel-sama needs her help. Please,” she croaked.</p>
<p>It was growing apparent the extent of her injuries was taking its toll and he wanted nothing more than to let Orihime heal her, but it was for her own good to stay behind. He never expected for Halibel to send Nel this soon and his wife was not going to be happy when she finally found out her plans. She would be devastated and she had every right to refuse helping the Queen of Hueco Mundo with such a ridiculous request—she would be best to deal with this reiatsu intruder business first so she could be prepared for whatever might happen in the near future.</p>
<p>But there she was, soaking wet in this damn rain, standing her ground, completely unaware of what coming with them really entailed. If it weren’t for the rain and Nel threatening to call Grimmjow for back-up, he could have stared her down all day and night, but both eventually wore on him and found he had no choice.</p>
<p>“Fine. Let’s go.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. IV. and when it rains...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, I am aware "Cognition Synchronization" was a technique only known to Aaroniero Arruruerie, but come on--you can't tell me Dr. Syazelaporro "Freakinstein" Granz or Taco Aizen couldn't have come up with a way that Arrancar could pass info to each other almost instantaneously. The Seireitei had some kind of broadcast system, why not Las Noches? I mean, sure, they had Garganta TV, but its no fun if they can only use it in a Garganta. Know what I'm sayin'?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>IV.</p><p>Three hours earlier--</p><p>
  <em>It began with an explosion far on the other side of Las Noches. Nel was relaxing in her quarters before having to meet up with the Tres Bestias to discuss surveillance rotation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Until recently, they didn’t have much need for the traps and safeguards left behind by Aizen. Just as Baraggan Louisenbairn before the Shinigami usurped Hueco Mundo, Halibel’s rule as queen was absolute; her word was law and those under the protection of Las Noches enjoyed her respect of them as warriors. But unlike Baraggan, she had a civility and compassion that brought Hueco Mundo as close to “peace” as it ever could come…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then came the Quincies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Halibel was struck down effortlessly in front of her entire court and taken for prisoner. It was then a seed of doubt was planted into the minds of Hollows whose loyalties were wavering. As it is known, some Hollows turned to the Quincies in search of power and some went underground in cowardice. Those abhorrent Hollows who emerged from the war began to cluster and share their dissatisfaction of the direction Tier Halibel was leading Hueco Mundo. Naturally, Halibel was faced with Arrancar challenging her authority and legitimacy as ruler. Few lives were actually taken in honor of maintaining propriety and most were exiled from Las Noches.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In spite of losing their privileges and protection, the exiled gathered and grew in force over the years. So many of them were weak in mind and body and any attempt at overtaking Las Noches ended in vain, but in the past few years, Halibel noticed a change: attacks became stronger, organized, and calculated. There was even a spy found in their midst who nearly succeeded in killing Apacci after luring her away from Mila Rose and Sung-sun. Something or someone was focusing the rebels’ energy and playing a very dangerous game.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It didn’t take long for Halibel to reach out to Soul Society. Shunsui Kyoraku and the remaining powers-that-be maintained a neutral stance on the situation and refused to offer assistance beyond the exchange of information until it was apparent the threat would disrupt the fragile balance between worlds. It would not be possible to spare Shinigami to fight without compromising their own safety with the Seireitei still under a time of reconstruction. Shunsui, despite protest from some of his peers, did promise Halibel that they would assist in any way that meant not having to leave Soul Society. Mayuri Kurotsuchi’s labs and Squad 2’s intelligence unit were on call (to the respective Captains’ disdain). He would have been a fool to refuse to give any aid as Halibel remaining in power was in Soul Society’s best interests, as well. She had built a rapport and a trust with Soul Society’s governing authorities and to find another Hollow with an acumen for politics and treatises was zero-to-none. To lose her and her faction would cause problems for everyone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, when Nel felt the explosion near the data and research labs, fears were beginning to be realized and the time for action on everyone’s part was drawing near. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Arrancar flung the book she was buried in to the side as she leapt from her seat, taking her sword as she ran from her chambers. She could hear the broadcast of Menoly Mallia across their cognition synchronization. She and Loly were the closest to the labs, it seemed, but the broadcast was cut off mid-sentence; the last thing ringing across the link was a loud shriek of one of the girls getting struck down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Halibel called through the synchronization just seconds later to Nel and Grimmjow. “They are after the item we recovered. Locate it in the labs and take it to Kisuke Urahara in the World of the Living. Then you must find the human, Orihime Inoue. That is my order,” and the voice was gone. </em>
</p><p><em>Without doubt, Halibel and the Tres Bestias were on the move and preparing for something greater; still, Nelliel wondered if Halibel was making the right call by sending both her and Grimmjow. What if this was a diversion? What if this was all just a part of the opposition’s plan? They couldn’t afford to lose both her </em>and<em> Grimmjow for any reason. </em></p><p>No…this was planned perfectly.<em> They knew what they were after and they knew with the guard rotation schedule, now was the optimal time to strike the labs. All of the key players in Halibel’s court would be at the furthest points from the labs across Las Noches. Still, it was a huge risk to strike in just one spot—</em></p><p>
  <em>“Aaaaghh!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A blast from outside Las Noches blew through the wall and sent Nel flying. Her body smashed through three rooms before coming to a stop. It wasn’t enough to wound her beyond a light scratch, but it caught her off guard. </em>
</p><p><em>She stood brushing off some debris and saw the silhouette of a figure at the end of the tunnel newly formed by her body. It was no bigger than a human. </em>An Arrancar.<em> It wasn’t one she recognized but there were also many created she had never met nor seen. Whether it was one long since exiled or one still living in Las Noches, she wasn’t sure, but it was obvious it had been responsible for the breach. Nel charged ahead, grabbed the Arrancar by the throat, and returned their kindness by smashing them down through several floors. With her hand clutching them close, she could see it was a young male Arrancar, not unlike the boyish Luppi Antenor, and wore a cocky smirk. His apparel was wilder than the formality of the stark, white uniforms her comrades wore and she could tell he’d been out in the elements for some time. </em></p><p>
  <em>They finally bottomed out at the ground floor. The air was thick with dust. Nelliel wanted to ask him about his motives, who he worked for, what they were planning, but didn’t have the chance. Behind the smoke, the aggressor charged a Cero and fired at her, hitting Nel squarely in the head. Other than some singed hairs, she remained unscathed and rushed the male Hollow once more, this time holding him down and returning a Cero of her own. As she rose and stared at the charred, disintegrating body, Nel cursed her unusual lack of patience. He was weak and she could have gotten something from him if she detained him. </em>
</p><p><em>She shook her head and Sonido’d off towards the direction of the labs. </em>He wouldn’t have given me anything. He was a distraction, a road block and nothing more. He couldn’t even break skin. Whoever’s doing this wouldn’t dare trust an Arrancar of his caliber with sensitive information. <em>She had to focus on the bigger picture—they wanted a particular item in the labs and </em>that<em> was her priority. </em></p><p><em>Regardless of the set-back, the woman found herself at the entrance to the research facility only a short time later. The enemy clearly didn’t care about how they got in or who took notice as the entrance was blown apart. Seeing how easily they were able to destroy the gate unnerved Nel; Szayelaporro built those particular labs to withstand the pressure of an Espada’s Resurrección. </em>Just how strong have they become?</p><p>
  <em>“What the hell took you so long?” a gruff voice asked. </em>
</p><p><em>Nelliel turned to see Grimmjow swaggering towards her like he didn’t have a care in the world. She really wanted to throttle him for acting like none of what happened mattered; their whole world was hanging in the balance and he just stood there picking at his ear. He knew </em>what <em>they were there for and she knew he didn’t give a shit, but he needed to realize it was something that could shift the tides of war whether it went against his personal feelings or not. </em></p><p>
  <em>“I was ambushed. It was an Arrancar from outside Las Noches. He never spoke and I didn’t try very hard to ask questions,” Nel replied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grimmjow smirked. “Me too. Guy came out of nowhere, but at least I was able to finish the bastard without taking a hit.” He pointed to the burnt ends of her hair. “Have a little trouble?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It took everything in Nel not to retort, but they had a job to do, and every second spent bickering was a second the enemy got closer to finding what they were looking for. “I’d rather us move than argue. Get going, you idiot.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The halls were dark and badly damaged. The occasional body lay on the floor, low level technicians or aids mutilated beyond recognition. Grimmjow stretched out his Pesquisa and found twelve or so unfamiliar reiatsu signatures, much stronger than the ones of the hollows who attacked them earlier. His hand found its way to the hilt of his sword, at the ready for what lie ahead. Nel noticed the action and couldn’t help but smile at his unusual caution. She wouldn’t characterize Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez as cautious in nature, but he also wasn’t stupid; he could sense there were Arrancar ahead that could pose an actual threat and damned if he’d be caught off guard again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I sense they’re spread out. They must not know where it is,” Nelliel whispered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grimmjow exhaled loudly. “Or it could be another trap.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Agreed. Let’s secure the item as Halibel-sama requested as soon as possible.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And kill anything that moves.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nel rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grimmjow looked at her like “what?” and gestured to the ground around them. “It’s pretty obvious everyone else’s dead already.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She supposed it was hard to argue with that logic. The enemy did a good job at clearing a path for themselves and clearing out every room they’ve entered…They needed to hurry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The pair raced down the corridors, passing body after body. There were collapsing ceilings and caved-in walls; Grimmjow cleared the path of falling debris as best he could without trying to draw attention to their position. Nel kept her Pesquisa open while they ran, trying to keep tabs on the enemy, but they were getting harder to read, movement patterns were changing, and—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The moment Grimmjow’s foot touched the ground, the floor beneath them exploded and they were thrown in opposite directions. She’d been so focused on being ambushed; she didn’t think about other traps being set. Their position was given up and the enemy would be on them any second. She sent a Bala through the ceiling-high pile of rocks and pushed through to find Grimmjow cussing her out for the rubble the Bala shot at his body. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’ve been made. We’ve got to move now!” Nelliel shouted at him, already halfway down the next hallway. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grimmjow caught up not a moment too soon—Nel already found herself crossing blades with one of their intruders. The opposition stood a foot taller than Grimmjow and was able to push Nel back with a swing of his scimitar…not that any of that intimidated Grimmjow. The blue-haired Arrancar teleported behind the assailant and sliced his throat clean through. Nel looked on unimpressed as the body fell with a thud to the floor and a devilishly smiling Grimmjow looked as happy as ever with blood splattered across his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re off your game, Miss Ex-Tres,” Grimmjow mocked, but then lost sight of Nel as she teleported behind him, blocking a blow from another Arrancar. She wasn’t fast enough to block with her Zanpakutō and the enemy’s blade caught in her side. As soon as metal hit flesh, Nel grabbed the blade bare-handed and pulled the enraged female Arrancar forward, impaling her through the stomach. Nelliel glanced back at her wide-eyed partner with a cold stare that Grimmjow imagined would have given Lord Aizen a run for his money. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What were you saying?” she quipped and flung the limp body off her sword. Grimmjow shrugged and made a lame attempt at brushing off his shock by pointing out the Arrancar was able to cut through her Hierro. </em>
</p><p><em>Nel touched a finger where the sword connected and it came away red. </em>Shit.<em> It was possible she underestimated the situation and the surprise attacks unnerved her to where she was making mistakes, but to cut through her Hierro? They had to have incredible spiritual pressure to make even a scratch. As unrefined their fighting style was and just as the damage to the entrance of the laboratories suggested, the enemy had</em> power<em>. They would no longer be able to sit by and wait for the problem to solve itself. If Halibel and the rest let them run amok, it was only a matter of time before Hueco Mundo fell. And if they got their hands on the object they were looking for and somehow knew how to restore it, the odds of Tier Halibel losing her grip on Hueco Mundo increased tenfold. </em></p><p>
  <em>“Do whatever you have to do.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Huh?” Grimmjow quirked an eyebrow at the woman. He saw a newly lit fire in her eyes and her body was tense like a lioness before pouncing on her prey.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We can’t afford to hold back. All that matters is retrieving the item and getting it to safety. I don’t care if we destroy half of Las Noches doing it—we have no choice.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grimmjow liked this Nel, wherever she came from. Finally, they seemed to be speaking the same language. “Fuck yeah!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They fought several more Arrancar before finally making it to the room where the item resided; the closer they got, the stronger the enemy seemed. It didn’t feel like just the twelve Arrancar they sensed—it was an onslaught and utter chaos. The enemy so greatly outnumbered the duo they couldn’t help but get more than a few scratches. It made them wonder if it was a last-ditch effort by the opposition or if their army grew to such a degree, they could afford the casualties.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nel lifted the glowing barrier placed to protect the object, wrapping it in her cloak. She nodded to Grimmjow to summon the Garganta when Nelliel felt a pain in her side. She looked down to see the tip of a sword sticking out of her abdomen. As the sword withdrew, she grunted and crumpled to the ground. It missed anything vital, but she was losing blood fast. Grimmjow swung at the attacker and yelled at Nel to get up and go while he held him back. As much as she hated to leave a comrade behind, she trusted the arrogant smirk Grimmjow flashed her just before lunging toward the man charging a Cero. With the last of her energy, she escaped through the Garganta with the object and prayed that friends were waiting on the other side.</em>
</p><p>Please…please be ready.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Nel stared up at Orihime through the glow of her Shun Shun Rikka. Not once did Orihime question the item wrapped in cloth now laying on table on the other side of the room. She thought Orihime would have had some reaction to it, surely, especially after Ichigo told her what happened back then.</p><p>
  <em>It came as a surprise to us all, but it only made sense. Ever since he was discovered, that guy had all kinds of questions surrounding him—this was just another one of those mysteries. But after everything that happened with Aizen, how could she have nothing to say about it at all?</em>
</p><p>“I have to admit, I’m a little shocked.”</p><p>The furl of concentration disappeared from Orihime’s brow and she looked at Nel with a small smile. “Hm?”</p><p>“Aren’t you wondering why I brought it so soon?” Nel asked.</p><p>Orihime cocked her head. Nel saw the confusion in her face and realized she honestly had no idea what she was on about. How could no one have told her? Halibel-sama made it clear they were to discuss the matter with the woman and confirm her acceptance of the requested task.</p><p>“Orihime? Do you even know what that is?” Nel pointed to the object on the table.</p><p>Orihime looked back at it and considered its size and shape and after thinking, finally shook her head.</p><p>Nel mimicked the gesture and sighed. She turned away and cursed the two men sitting in the other room. <em>They had two YEARS to tell her, and Kisuke Urahara assured Halibel-sama Orihime was okay with the situation and would help when the time came. How can that even be?</em></p><p>“Nel-chan? Is something wrong?”</p><p>Without turning back, Nel asked Orihime to unwrap the item and bring it to her. Just as she knew she would, Orihime gladly obliged. Nel couldn’t look. She didn’t even want to think.</p><p><em>How could she not know? How could she not know? How could she not know?</em> The question played on a loop in the back of her mind and didn’t stop until she heard a thump on the floor.</p><p>She didn’t know what she expected. Probably something between despair and anger. Instead, Nel heard nothing after the muted thud. She told herself it was out of concern for Orihime, but it was most likely her morbid curiosity that got the best of her and made the Arrancar’s attention refocus on her human friend.</p><p>But Orihime was gone. And all that was left behind was a pile of bloodied cloth and a bone-white mask once belonging to Ulquiorra Cifer on the floor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you have questions about the title, it’s based off of something Spock said in the Star Trek TOS episode “Amok Time”— “After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.”</p></blockquote></div></div>
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